When The Tables Turn
by moonygarou
Summary: He was always my first love and he'll be my last.


Remus somehow couldn't understand the protectiveness that Sirius had over him. He knew that the other man cared a lot for him, they were like brothers, and if Sirius wouldn't be together with James, he could have maybe guessed of what was wrong. But at the moment everything was just a big confusing mess. It wasn't like he hated the attention, he absolutely loved it, but it hurt him a bit to know that there was never going to be more between Sirius and him. For the moment he had no other chance then to wait and see of what was happening.  
  
It was just shortly before Christmas when Remus noticed that something was wrong between Sirius and James. Sirius was studying, a very rare occasion, at Remus' side. His whole body seemed to be tense and filled with rage, for whatever reason it may be for the moment Remus couldn't understand. As he then saw James sitting at the other end of the room talking lively to Lily Evans, his eyes widened in realization. Remus slowly understood what had happened and slowly looked back at Sirius. Their eyes met and his heart seemed to stop beating as he saw the black-haired man looking right back at him. Those blue eyes were filled with love, devotion and Remus could also see the fear, fear of acceptance, fear of revealing some kind of hidden emotions. For the moment he couldn't understand why suddenly the other man looked at him, but somewhere in the back of his mind a voice said that it wasn't also for this night to find out. So he just kept quiet, knowing that the other man would tell him when he was ready to and Remus would wait, no matter how long it would take.  
  
The following two weeks until Christmas passed by in a dash and Remus couldn't really register of what was happening all around him due to exams and an extra amount of homework, which the professors said was only for their own good to prepare themselves for their NEWT's. Not that Remus had anything against that, still he thought that the professors were somehow torturing them and he was already wishing for the time when all this would be behind him.  
  
The only thing that Remus tried to keep his attention on as well was the relationship between his two best friends which seemed to have broken apart. Things had gotten clearer in Remus' head when one night he caught James kissing the red-haired girl. He hadn't asked for an explanation, hadn't made the raven-haired man feel bad about this. All he did was leave again wondering how Sirius was dealing with all that. He only knew too well how Sirius could hide his real emotions, feelings and meanings and James and Remus had been the only ones to see the walls crumble. They were the only ones who knew the real Sirius, knew how sensitive and hurtful he could be. Remus had seen how passionate and calm he could be, all those things he never showed and only his friends knew existed.  
  
The next time Remus found Sirius most of the students had left home for their break, leaving Sirius and him behind as the only Gryffindors back in their tower. He found Sirius lying in bed, flipped onto his stomach, his face hidden in the cushions and his arms lying limply at his sides. Remus didn't dare to advance at first, not wanting to disturb the other man's peace, but as he saw the other man's body tremble slightly, he walked over sitting down on the edge of the bed.  
  
Remus reached out tentatively to stroke through Sirius' black and so soft hair wanting to soothe the troubled and maybe broken mind of his friend.  
  
"He didn't love you..." Remus then whispered knowing that it was the sad truth and that Sirius had to admit it, whether he wanted to or not.  
  
"No... he didn't..." Sirius whispered after a long time of silence, that had made Remus wonder if his friend was ever going to say anything in return, or if they would spend the next few minutes in total silence. Remus didn't reply anything and just sat at his best friend's side, comforting as much as he could until the black-haired man fell asleep.  
  
Not having anything else to do and wanting to leave Sirius on his own, Remus spent the rest of the afternoon in the Gryffindor common room studying. Something he hadn't done in a long time, as the room had been mostly crowded with people, but now for the break it was empty and it left Remus wanting to stay, without anybody being able to interrupt him.  
  
Dinner came and went without Sirius, and as Remus returned to their dormitory that evening the other man had gone, with not a single trace of where he could have left to. Knowing that it had no use to search for Sirius he made himself ready for bed, knowing that the other man wanted to be alone, especially sincee he hadn't left any kind of note behind him. With a heavy and concerned heart Remus went to bed strangely falling asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow.  
  
Remus only awoke again as he suddenly felt a new weight on his bed, and then another body join him under his blankets and an arm wrapping itself gently around his body. Not understanding the meaning of this he continued to pretend to be asleep, wanting Sirius explain of what he was doing and especially why.  
  
"I never loved him either," Sirius started to whisper, letting his hand wander under Remus' shirt touching the soft skin making Remus draw a sharp gasp in surprise.  
  
"I thought I did... until I found out that it had been only an experiment for him... and... that I was in love with somebody completely else..." Sirius whispered, letting his hand caress along Remus' skin, his eyes own blue eyes closed in bliss and relaxation. Remus himself also finally relaxed under Sirius' touch, somehow instinctively knowing that Sirius was telling the truth and that this could be something forever. However Remus didn't yet move or reciprocate any touches not wanting that the other man would ever stop touching him, scared that Sirius would.  
  
"I am sorry that it took me so long to admit," Sirius then added quietly, but Remus didn't really listen anymore his concentration fixed on Sirius' hand that was now moving down inside of Remus' boxers, making Remus arch against the wonderful touch.  
  
Now that Sirius definitely knew that he was awake Remus turned around and planted a soft but demanding kiss on Sirius' lips. The other man returned the kiss with the same passion and love and Remus melted into the kiss, into the other man who was now pulling him as close as possible.  
  
They took their time exploring with their hands the body of the other, kissing and caressing the soft skin, the more it became exposed, not wanting to rush anything knowing that nobody would interrupt. When Remus then was lying under Sirius, he stopped for a moment and just looked down at Remus. All this felt strange to him and new, being used to bottom only and now that he was on the top, it made him feel more loved and trusted, a feeling he strangely had never had with James. He was glad that he had revealed his feelings for Remus and it felt like the most wonderful decision he had ever made.  
  
As he then was inside of the other man it felt like the best thing he ever felt and for Sirius it just felt perfect, as if the two were created for one and another. The two came together, calling out the other's name.  
  
"Love you..." Remus whispered quietly eventually, curled up in Sirius' warm and loving embrace not wanting to feel anything else surrounding him at the moment.  
  
"I know... and you know what the best is? I love you too," Sirius whispered back affectionately causing a small blush to form along Remus' cheek as they once more leaned close kissing lovingly. They spent the rest of the night making love over and over again. 


End file.
